biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
