seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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