thus making me awesome and them whores
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
