my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
