I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
