Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
