i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
