It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
