I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
