How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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