The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
