We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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