I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
