She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
