I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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