For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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