The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
