from now on my penis is your penis
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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