You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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