Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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