you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
