i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
