you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i think i just lost a toe
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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