Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
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The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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