I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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