I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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