you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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