I accidentally burped into my bong.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
40s are totally the cure
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
