bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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