His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
