"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my poor anus
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
