Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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