No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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