You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
