I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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