I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
BRING THE BAGELS
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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