There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
