i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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