Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
