What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
