i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
