1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
