guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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