and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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