My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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