she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Vodka?
Forever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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