Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
