Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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