so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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