Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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