why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
