I just saw a hot homeless man
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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