textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
