i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
