He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
