There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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