He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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