1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
