My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
