my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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