32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
