I want to have your abortion
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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