Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
