today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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