I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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