i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
