Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
