A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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