yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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