So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
