put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
