Your tits are I can't wait for
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
