did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
