Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
