Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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