The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
