so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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