shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
