I've blown a few things in my day
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
