She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize